the Verge

I am on the verge of something... literally that excited, giddy, toomuchenergytositinoneplace, but at the same time nervous, sad, and about to cry any minute type of feeling.  Unfortunately I'm not sure where it's heading.  There is this overwhelming feeling lately that I'm meant for more-- to see more, hear more, notice more, feel more, make more, play more, listen more, care more, LIVE MORE.  But, how does more happen?  Or, more importantly how does ones appreciation of less become more viseral, profound, absolute?  I have often referred to seeing through my eyes vs. seeing with my eyes.  I'm afraid I've let mine again become some kind of physical caveat instead of what they should in fact be.

There is more inside here. 

More that is dying to come out and play.

McFly....

So... here's the deal.  I have conversations with myself all day long about the most random things.  (I rarely argue with myself, and have only once had to give myself the silent treatment (do I sound like Bob Dole?) but, I decided I needed an outlet- and that is what this shall be! (shazam!)


I am not politically minded, I don't watch TV or read the newspaper, I listen to NPR- but mainly because its the only station I get in my house (which maybe doesn't even count, because I tend to turn it off during the pledge drive which means I'm a sucky listener anyway) and I tend to have strong opinions (opinions is the nice way of saying short-tempered) on everything- whether they are informed opinions or not.  So, where does that put me?  here I suppose- alone again thinking I have something to say.


So, although I am again inside my own head, I feel better strangely typing down my thoughts.  A journal you say!, they sell those in stores and you can tuck them under your bed and keep your private thoughts private...I have found that:

• as it turns out I'm a better typer- my handwriting would make Sister Claire cry (again...)
•  journals are lovely, and for lovely words.  And who ever feels like journaling when they are thinking lovely thoughts?
•  there is no 3, but a list just doesn't seem like a list with only 2 reasons.

So, that's my story.  This should be a middle of the nighter for sure (or when NPR is asking me for money....)